And generic profiles and emails often mask amazing personalities.
As a result, you really can’t tell from online dating – you just have to make the best with what you’ve got.
This is what I discovered as a customer service rep at JDate in 2001, and it’s the very thing in which I coach private clients every day: writing a unique, confident, specific, self-aware, witty profile that attracts more men and higher quality men; coming up with a one-of-a-kind username that instantly brands you and demands recognition, filtering through the wrong men, funneling the right men from email to the phone to the real life date, keeping a healthy attitude about guys and maintaining an open mind about why they do what they do. In fact, 90% of guys I would never even consider dating.
I love the blog, although I don’t post often and had to add my .02 cents.I live in a Northeast US city where the ratio of men to women is around 1:6.Your job is not to stop the “wrong” men from writing to you.If you’re 29 and cute, they’re going to be coming out of the woodwork – 55 year old men from 100 miles away, telling you that you’re beautiful. Men copy and paste emails because such a low percentage of women write back to them.None of this changes the quality of men, the quality of how they market themselves, and the quality of their interaction – all of which is, frankly, abysmal.
But one thing I know from 7 years of doing this job is this: a great profile and witty email doesn’t necessarily equal a great guy. I’ve been excited to start meeting guys in my new city (LA – same as you! And if they do say hello, the emails are boring – “Hey, I’m thinking of getting some sun this weekend. ” Or they make me think these guys have me on a pedestal – “If you don’t mind me saying, I think you are beautiful, and your profile seems so genuine. ” I’ve taken your advice and posted pics of me looking fun, cute and active: wedding guest/bridesmaid pics, vacation pics, a fun sibling shot (labeled “with my bro and sis.”) So what is the deal? I’m thinking, “We are SO alike, why aren’t you responding? –Angie There are two entirely separate issues being discussed here: one is your frustration with online dating overall, the other is with the nuances of how it’s done. First of all, I want you to consider all the other places that you could meet thirtysomething men in Los Angeles. It seems there are plenty of men looking on these sites but hardly any saying hello! In my bio, I basically state I am a “retired jetsetter who still wants to have fun, but do it on a local level.” I’ve read a bunch of profiles and tried to reach out to men who were my equals, both in lifestyle and dating goals, but these guys haven’t responded.Your mother always told you so and you never really believed it too much, but the fact is that first impressions really count.And this couldn’t be more true when it comes to contacting someone online.It’s a bad strategy on their part, but you have to understand that they’re FAILURES and be a little more sympathetic to them.